[I deeply appologize, to both of the noble contestants of this debate, for being unable to resist contributing my own fragment of silliness. (Not that such an important discussion of world-shattering matters should ever be deemed silly; merely that I, myself, am rather silly.) I also appologize for the length of this post; I am afflicted with a tendancy to ramble on. On the bright side, you are not required to read my madness! Therefore, I shall sally forth with my own take on the matter! In the event that either party is adverse to my "butting in", speak now or ... speak later ... or don't speak at all, then! Who asked you, anyway?!]
In an attempt to completely circumvent the issue of mouses & their various numbers of buttons ... I propose that we re-introduce the underappreciated abbacus to the world of today's technology. Of course, with just a few minor modifications ..... Behold my concept for the new, improved, Personnal Abacus!
FUEL:
Mission Statement: All abaci should be environmentally friendly.
The primary energy source of your abacus should be a hydrogen fuel-cell. Not only is hydrogen the most efficient fuel currently being researched, but inpropper contamination of hydrogen by oxygen results in an explosion! A new fun alternative way to destroy your abbacus should the government attempt to subpeona your files, or when you are simply ready to upgrade to the next generation of abbaci. "Go boom!" However, for those intimidated by the explosive possibilities, it should also be capable of running on solar power.
In the event that our sun decends into a black hole, or if one merely lives in an underground cave for the ambiance, it should be capable of running on "green diesel." Thanks to the Back to the Future movies, most of you are already somewhat familiar with this concept. Actually developed by German engineers during World War II, this fuel is derived from heating organic materials to the point where they release hydrogen and carbon monoxide which is then converted into long chain molecules ... yadda yadda ... The end result is not actually neuclear, however, but a liquid fuel which admits virtually no green house gases! A perfect use for food waste and pesky cannibals or hostile zombies.
COMMUNICATIONS:
Mission Statement: Expolitation of the human need to, literally, be heard.
Enhanced bluetooth and voice recognition technology shall be employed for the consumer's convience, enabling communication directly with your Personnal Abacus. (An obtional self-desturct command feature should be available.) Abaci shall also be able to distribute commands to your ever-growwing army of the undead, (should one arise,) provided your army is outfitted with the proper implanted receptors. All profane or otherwise uncouth language shall be transmitted as minor electric shocks.
PRODUCTION:
Mission Statement: Provide the consumer with a fun way to personnalize their abbacus. Abbaci shall be test-tube engineered for genetic mutation capabilities. Your ability to customize your abbacus, (extra limb attachments, etc.) are limited only by your imagination and knowlege of abbaci DNA!
RESILIANCE:
Mission Statement: All abaci shall not be delicate girly-men, but pumped-up and self-contained: insensitive to the unpredictable forces of nature, capable of traveling anywhere the consumer would like to go, and fortified with a daily dose of vitamin C! Abbaci will come equipped with a number of helpful resistances; such as: A) Water resistant to a depth of 5,000 meters. (In the event of, for example, rapid global warming.) B) Resistant to both lava and pirahnas, or any combination thereof. (No explination nessicary.) C) Ectera.
So that's my solution! What do you guys think? What do you mean, do I even know what an abacus is?! Of course I know what an abacus is!!! I am well-versed in all forms of abbaci and believe me, what the world needs now is a new, improved personal abacus! What is this manual bead counting you speak of? Manual?!?!?! You mean I actually have to move them with my own hands? All by myself?!? But ... but ... what if they're heavy? I could strain a finger! Screw that!
[Most sorry for intrusion. Please disregard the above commentary and shred any/all paper trails immediately. Remember: I'm counting on you! It never existed.]
Beg pardon, do continue with the intellectually-stimulating debate.
April 1, 2007 6:09 AM
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Thursday, March 8, 2007
I did my homework!
Well, well, well Mrs. "I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD! I'm a Nichirin Buddhist." How do you explain these!?
AND 
I had to travel the world to obtain these photos of the rare mouse wielding Buddha, but I did.
Welcome to a two buttoned enlightenment!
Point, Teo!
AND 
I had to travel the world to obtain these photos of the rare mouse wielding Buddha, but I did.
Welcome to a two buttoned enlightenment!
Point, Teo!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Some may say...
Some may say that I have given up on my pursuit to rid Amy of her obsession with the one buttoned monstrosity! Blasphemy! As long as the sun rises in the east I will fight! As long as cheese gathers mold I will stand tall! As long as bears mate I will vanquish the one button horror from this earth! Do you me hear me?
Today I concentrate my fight using reverse psychology...
...Amy oh Amy, please use a one buttoned mouse, they are ever so good...
...shhh...shhh...I think she bought it!
Today I concentrate my fight using reverse psychology...
...Amy oh Amy, please use a one buttoned mouse, they are ever so good...
...shhh...shhh...I think she bought it!
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
The Big Man!
Amy, Look!
Passage Genesis 1-2:10:
Genesis 1
The Beginning
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, using a
Comfort Optical Mouse 1000
2 Now the earth was [a] formless and empty, like DOS, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3 And God said, "Let there be light," God doubled clicked and there was light.
4 God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness, by right clicking to copy and paste.
5 God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
6 God then took five. God ate Cheetos and Mountain Dew, and God was good.
So you see according to the ancient scriptures even the big guy uses one!
Passage Genesis 1-2:10:
Genesis 1
The Beginning
1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, using a
Comfort Optical Mouse 1000
2 Now the earth was [a] formless and empty, like DOS, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.
3 And God said, "Let there be light," God doubled clicked and there was light.
4 God saw that the light was good, and God separated the light from the darkness, by right clicking to copy and paste.
5 God called the light "day," and the darkness he called "night." And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.
6 God then took five. God ate Cheetos and Mountain Dew, and God was good.
So you see according to the ancient scriptures even the big guy uses one!
Friday, January 5, 2007
So it begins!
Oh the uselessnesses of the one buttoned mouse! Read Amy! Read!
The Macintosh user interface is designed so that all functions are available with a single button mouse. Apple's Human Interface Guidelines still specify that all functions need to be available with a single button mouse. However, X Window System applications, which Mac OS X can also run, were designed with the use of two or even three button mice in mind, causing even simple operations like "cut and paste" to become awkward.
To Battle!
Advocates of multiple-button mice argue that support for a single-button mouse often leads to clumsy workarounds in interfaces where a given object may have more than one appropriate action. Several common workarounds exist, and even some widely-used Macintosh applications that otherwise conform to the Apple Human Interface Guidelines occasionally require the use of one of them.
One such workaround involves the press-and-hold technique. In a press-and-hold, the user presses and holds the single button. After a certain period, software perceives the button press not as a single click but as a separate action. This has two drawbacks: first, a slow user may press-and-hold inadvertently. Second, the user must wait while the software detects that the click is actually a press-and-hold, otherwise their press might be interpreted as a single click. Furthermore, the remedies for these two drawbacks conflict with each other: the longer the lag time, the more the user must wait; and the shorter the lag time, the more likely it is that some user will accidentally press-and-hold when meaning to click.
Take that evil clicking spawn!
Alternatively, the user needs to hold down a key on the keyboard while pressing the button (Macintosh computers use the ctrl key). This has the disadvantage that it requires that both the user's hands be engaged. It also requires that the user perform two actions on completely separate devices in concert; that is, pressing a key on the keyboard while pressing a button on the mouse. This can be a very daunting task for a disabled user. Studies have found all of the above workarounds less usable than additional mouse buttons for experienced users.
Oh yes! Oh yes! Take that fiend!
For more information on mice and the history of the mouse please visit wikipedia
The Macintosh user interface is designed so that all functions are available with a single button mouse. Apple's Human Interface Guidelines still specify that all functions need to be available with a single button mouse. However, X Window System applications, which Mac OS X can also run, were designed with the use of two or even three button mice in mind, causing even simple operations like "cut and paste" to become awkward.
To Battle!
Advocates of multiple-button mice argue that support for a single-button mouse often leads to clumsy workarounds in interfaces where a given object may have more than one appropriate action. Several common workarounds exist, and even some widely-used Macintosh applications that otherwise conform to the Apple Human Interface Guidelines occasionally require the use of one of them.
One such workaround involves the press-and-hold technique. In a press-and-hold, the user presses and holds the single button. After a certain period, software perceives the button press not as a single click but as a separate action. This has two drawbacks: first, a slow user may press-and-hold inadvertently. Second, the user must wait while the software detects that the click is actually a press-and-hold, otherwise their press might be interpreted as a single click. Furthermore, the remedies for these two drawbacks conflict with each other: the longer the lag time, the more the user must wait; and the shorter the lag time, the more likely it is that some user will accidentally press-and-hold when meaning to click.
Take that evil clicking spawn!
Alternatively, the user needs to hold down a key on the keyboard while pressing the button (Macintosh computers use the ctrl key). This has the disadvantage that it requires that both the user's hands be engaged. It also requires that the user perform two actions on completely separate devices in concert; that is, pressing a key on the keyboard while pressing a button on the mouse. This can be a very daunting task for a disabled user. Studies have found all of the above workarounds less usable than additional mouse buttons for experienced users.
Oh yes! Oh yes! Take that fiend!
For more information on mice and the history of the mouse please visit wikipedia
Sunday, December 31, 2006
My soul despair.
This is the first entry of a very special blog that I hold close to my heart.
Why?
Because it delves deep into an truth that I must agonize over every single day of my life. Something that brutalizes the very core of my being, torments the vivacious fabric of my soul. What could cause such pain you ask? What could possibly lay waste to your coherent state of mind you pry? What could foul the tepid waters of your vast cerebral pool, you inquire?
Well listen closely dear readers. Closer. Closer. Place those ears upon your monitors and receive my engorged vernacular! For when I speak of this monstrous evil, this lecherous ghoul that has beaten my conscience to a mere pudgy pulp! I will speak low and to the right.
The name I will speak is simple yet so very complex. A title that is the epitome of evil. Three diabolical letters that when brought together form a truly corrupt and dark form. A.M.Y. Yes, yes! Say it allowed for it must be known! Amy! The cruel banshee that torments my essence! Amy! Yes! Amy! Mother to Abby, wife to Scott, eater of soy!
What? What is that you say? Slow down good sir? How can you say that about, Amy? Champion of X-Files, Lord of the Baby Slings? How could you possibly utter even one fallacy against such a pure and innocent being? What could she have done to drive you to such maddening heights?
Oh I will answer your questions, all of them. With one simple answer. Nouns in fact, very evil nouns, of the "thing" persuasion. First I ask you to realize how difficult this is for me to even whisper. The very thought makes me sick in the belly. Once again I ask you to place your ears upon your monitors and listen closely for it pains me to utter these three horrific words.
One button mouse.
Oh God! I feel sick! The three worded venom that I have spewed from my oral orifice taste of spoiled acid upon my pallet. Please dear reader, go on without me. Continue your optical digestion elsewhere for I cannot continue.
But no! I must, I must proceed. I will persevere, with diligence and strength. This explosion that cometh from my repulsion of the one buttoned horror has brought new insight. Perhaps you are right, perhaps Amy, mother of one, eater of avocado, wearer of hats, is not to blame. Perhaps the single clicking fiend has enslaved poor Amy.
Well it is my duty to rid her of this beast. I will remove the monkey from her back! I will use this forum as to educate Amy, sleeper of sleep, talker of phone, counter of pebbles, of the uselessness of the single selecting serpent. And she will learn the awesome power of the glorious two buttoned mouse! For it clicks right and left! Oh the beauty of the dual wielding selector brings tears to my charming eyes.
Read my friends read for you might learn something as well...
Why?
Because it delves deep into an truth that I must agonize over every single day of my life. Something that brutalizes the very core of my being, torments the vivacious fabric of my soul. What could cause such pain you ask? What could possibly lay waste to your coherent state of mind you pry? What could foul the tepid waters of your vast cerebral pool, you inquire?
Well listen closely dear readers. Closer. Closer. Place those ears upon your monitors and receive my engorged vernacular! For when I speak of this monstrous evil, this lecherous ghoul that has beaten my conscience to a mere pudgy pulp! I will speak low and to the right.
The name I will speak is simple yet so very complex. A title that is the epitome of evil. Three diabolical letters that when brought together form a truly corrupt and dark form. A.M.Y. Yes, yes! Say it allowed for it must be known! Amy! The cruel banshee that torments my essence! Amy! Yes! Amy! Mother to Abby, wife to Scott, eater of soy!
What? What is that you say? Slow down good sir? How can you say that about, Amy? Champion of X-Files, Lord of the Baby Slings? How could you possibly utter even one fallacy against such a pure and innocent being? What could she have done to drive you to such maddening heights?
Oh I will answer your questions, all of them. With one simple answer. Nouns in fact, very evil nouns, of the "thing" persuasion. First I ask you to realize how difficult this is for me to even whisper. The very thought makes me sick in the belly. Once again I ask you to place your ears upon your monitors and listen closely for it pains me to utter these three horrific words.
One button mouse.
Oh God! I feel sick! The three worded venom that I have spewed from my oral orifice taste of spoiled acid upon my pallet. Please dear reader, go on without me. Continue your optical digestion elsewhere for I cannot continue.
But no! I must, I must proceed. I will persevere, with diligence and strength. This explosion that cometh from my repulsion of the one buttoned horror has brought new insight. Perhaps you are right, perhaps Amy, mother of one, eater of avocado, wearer of hats, is not to blame. Perhaps the single clicking fiend has enslaved poor Amy.
Well it is my duty to rid her of this beast. I will remove the monkey from her back! I will use this forum as to educate Amy, sleeper of sleep, talker of phone, counter of pebbles, of the uselessness of the single selecting serpent. And she will learn the awesome power of the glorious two buttoned mouse! For it clicks right and left! Oh the beauty of the dual wielding selector brings tears to my charming eyes.
Read my friends read for you might learn something as well...
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