My soul despair.

This is the first entry of a very special blog that I hold close to my heart.

Why?

Because it delves deep into an truth that I must agonize over every single day of my life. Something that brutalizes the very core of my being, torments the vivacious fabric of my soul. What could cause such pain you ask? What could possibly lay waste to your coherent state of mind you pry? What could foul the tepid waters of your vast cerebral pool, you inquire?

Well listen closely dear readers. Closer. Closer. Place those ears upon your monitors and receive my engorged vernacular! For when I speak of this monstrous evil, this lecherous ghoul that has beaten my conscience to a mere pudgy pulp! I will speak low and to the right.

The name I will speak is simple yet so very complex. A title that is the epitome of evil. Three diabolical letters that when brought together form a truly corrupt and dark form. A.M.Y. Yes, yes! Say it allowed for it must be known! Amy! The cruel banshee that torments my essence! Amy! Yes! Amy! Mother to Abby, wife to Scott, eater of soy!

What? What is that you say? Slow down good sir? How can you say that about, Amy? Champion of X-Files, Lord of the Baby Slings? How could you possibly utter even one fallacy against such a pure and innocent being? What could she have done to drive you to such maddening heights?

Oh I will answer your questions, all of them. With one simple answer. Nouns in fact, very evil nouns, of the "thing" persuasion. First I ask you to realize how difficult this is for me to even whisper. The very thought makes me sick in the belly. Once again I ask you to place your ears upon your monitors and listen closely for it pains me to utter these three horrific words.

One button mouse.

Oh God! I feel sick! The three worded venom that I have spewed from my oral orifice taste of spoiled acid upon my pallet. Please dear reader, go on without me. Continue your optical digestion elsewhere for I cannot continue.

But no! I must, I must proceed. I will persevere, with diligence and strength. This explosion that cometh from my repulsion of the one buttoned horror has brought new insight. Perhaps you are right, perhaps Amy, mother of one, eater of avocado, wearer of hats, is not to blame. Perhaps the single clicking fiend has enslaved poor Amy.

Well it is my duty to rid her of this beast. I will remove the monkey from her back! I will use this forum as to educate Amy, sleeper of sleep, talker of phone, counter of pebbles, of the uselessness of the single selecting serpent. And she will learn the awesome power of the glorious two buttoned mouse! For it clicks right and left! Oh the beauty of the dual wielding selector brings tears to my charming eyes.

Read my friends read for you might learn something as well...